Day 60 - Wrap Star

Every year, I have a Utopian vision of Christmas Eve. Perhaps you have a similar one? It begins with a full night of wonderful sleep (wait - I have to catch my breath from laughing so hard), a delicious homemade breakfast whipped up from scratch, and a rousing rendition of "Welcome Christmas" (you know, the song the Whos sing in "How The Grinch Stole Christmas"?). We would get out the door and on the road to Oma and Opa's house on time, carolling all the way, and arrive for Christmas dinner bearing the fruits of my many hours toiling in the kitchen. After a festive dinner and a Very Meaningful Christmas Church Service, we would drink eggnog and hot chocolate as we helped Santa fill stockings and put presents under the tree. My little angel falls asleep as soon as I lay him in his manger crib and we all slumber peacefully until 6:00 10:30 the next morning when Sebastian wakes us with laughter and babbles that sound suspiciously like "I love you Mommy and Daddy! Thank you so much for clothing me and feeding me and diapering me and..." (you get the picture).

OK... Here's what really happens.

We wake up too early after going to bed too late. I put a piece of bread in the toaster, nuke the remainder of yesterday's coffee, and call it breakfast. Sebastian forages for crumbs in his highchair (not really, don't call CPS), and Marty eats a Pop Tart left over from his last tour. I catch myself singing Lady Gaga instead of Christmas carols, and we all get out the door two hours late. I am empty handed because I forgot to turn on the crockpot, but don't worry - we'll stop by the deli on the way and pick up a cheese platter. We spend the drive listening to the traffic report, trying to avoid the four+ hour delays on the Grand Central. We get to the deli, they're all out of cheese platters, so we buy Cheese Doodles and hope nobody notices. I skip church because Sebastian has eaten something that clearly disagrees with him and is making rude noises nearly non-stop. When everyone returns and we are putting presents under the tree, I realize I have forgotten to label any of my gifts. I tell people to just pick one and we'll sort it out later (this proves to be HILARIOUS the next morning when my father-in-law opens the king sized bottle of Jean Nate' I got for my cousin and pretends to be delighted). Sebastian wakes up nearly every hour on the hour, until at 5:30 I get up. Diaper blowout. The end.

OK, maybe that's not exactly what happened, but I did find myself mulling over the expectations I have about Christmas, and wondering if perhaps I'm missing the Bigger Picture. First and foremost, Christmas is a Christian religious holiday to celebrate the birth of Jesus - the Christ Mass, if you will. Over many years, a number of secular traditions crept in and transformed it into the season we know today (consult Wikipedia for a long and profoundly boring explanation of this). Somewhere along the line, between the tinsel and the gingerbread, our expectations of this time of year grew to Epic Proportions and we lost our collective minds. So, I'm aiming to find mine.

In the spirit of Cultivating my Eccentricities, I decided to make a few changes this year:

1 - I made the majority of my gifts instead of buying them Christmas Eve
2 - I wrapped all my gifts in pages pulled from old magazines and Trader Joe's grocery bags (turn them inside out and have the kids decorate them - it's actually really cool)
3 - I stopped trying to staple my halo to my head and decided to just be myself, warts and all (yes, even at my husband's Fabulously Functional Family Gathering)

And most importantly: People celebrate this time of year for many reasons and in many ways, but for me as a Christian, Jesus is the Reason for the Season. It's easy (a little too easy) for me to put the religious significance on the back burner (perhaps why so many countries separate the gift giving from the religious holiday?), but I'm going to do my best to put everything in it's proper perspective.

Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate it, and Happy Holidays to the rest! Warmest wishes for a season ripe with significance, family, and love. Gather lots of good stories and make lots of memories. And eat cookies.

Day 59 - The Desk Job

My desk is making me crazy. Right now, it's piled high with unwrapped Christmas gifts, random recipes I've torn out of magazines, empty chocolate wrappers (what? It's a health food now - has antioxidants), the knitted scarf project I've abandoned twelve times, you get the picture. TIME TO CLEAN.

1. Clear it off. Everything into the box my holiday English muffins (great gift!!!!!!!!!!!) came in. I'm tempted to just leave everything there, but no.

2. Take each thing out, one at a time, and either find a home for it or wrap it up and give it to some unsuspecting soul for Christmas. "Merry Christmas, here's a rubber band ball! I made it myself!"

3. Put back only what I love and use (gimme back my rubber band ball!).

The Twelve Days of Office Supplies

On the twelfth day of Christmas I cleared my desk of thee:

Twelve chocolate wrappers

Eleven ugly lipsticks

Ten plastic bags

Nine knitting needles

Eight perfume samples

Seven mismatched mittens

Six ketchup packets

Five pairs of Spanx!

Four yards of tulle

Three empty mugs

Two sequined tanks

And the Chinese takeout from last week!

Haaaaaaaaaappy desking everyone! 

Day 58 - Fabulous Weekly Wrap-Up

This week has pretty much revolved around getting me back online after the death of my dear laptop (RIP). But I did manage to have a few ( approx 2) moments of fleeting productivity.

1 - I finished my pared down Christmas shopping, most of it done at the grocery store. Hey - nothing says Merry Christmas like a bottle of Heinz and a jar of pickles! And homemade granola/bars.

2 - I gave up my dreams of becoming a Breck Girl and decided that, by twirl or by curl, I would make peace with my frizz-tastic halo.

Who knows what I'll find to work on this week? With all the paring down I've done, I've barely scratched the surface. Here's to a horse, buggy, and bonnet in 2011! Oh - and an edible loaf of bread.

Day 57 - A Hairy Situation

I was bald as a billiard until I was two years old; my mother was on the verge of buying me a baby wig when I finally – mercifully - sprouted a few strands of hair. From there, things progressed in the usual fashion until The Horrible Awkward Angst-Filled Ugly Years (otherwise known as puberty). I went to bed one night with reasonably straight and well behaved hair, and woke up with corkscrew curls zigzagging out of my head. Wasn’t it bad enough that I had pimples, braces, and a perpetual snarl on my face? Did I really deserve to be cursed with a ‘fro too?! Not knowing what to do with my new mop, I tried brushing it and soon looked like I had stuck my finger in an electrical socket, a la Bride of Frankenstein. People, it took me years to figure out how to work with my ringlets, years that left me psychologically scarred (I cower in a corner every time I see a bottle of Rave) and with many, many awesome pictures that now haunt me on Facebook. Curly girls, you know what I’m talking about!

I would love to tell you that I am over it and have totally made peace with my hair, but I would be lying. I recently spent an hour getting it professionally blown out, only to have it revert back to its wavy rebellion within the day. I’ve dyed it, highlighted it, permed it (yes, really – in the 80’s, they theorized it would give “direction” to my curls… it gave them direction alright, about 5 inches from my head in a spectacular, frizzy halo), straightened it, cut it, grown it, teased it, twirled it, and contemplated shaving it. What’s a girl to do? Simplify it, baby!

I recently read that you will always look best with your hair close to its natural state, and I think that’s probably true, with the exception of color. I always laugh when people see a picture of my mom and say, “oh – I see where you get your red hair from” – yeah, we use the same bottle. I love being a redhead, so I think I’m going to stick with my Nice n’ Easy #110 (buh bye highlights – toooooooooooooo much maintenance!). But the rest has got to go! This leaves us with:

-      A shoulder length cut (too long or too short = too much futzing)

-      Color at home once a month

-      Air dry and wear it curly, scrunch and go (style only for special occasions)

And there we go! Ellen St James, a simplicity writer, suggests that everyone has a wash and go cut that will look great on them, so it’s something to consider if you don’t want to spend a lot of time arranging the dead cells on your head. If this fails, I may just grow dreadlocks.  I could be Cool Dreadlock Mom, or I could be Mom with Dreads Who Is Trying Too Hard. It’s a fine line.

Day 56 - Bah, Humbug!

GUESS WHAT I'm typing this on? My new netbook! A teeny tiny little computer for my teeny tiny mind needs. Love! As soon as the Dear Hubby puts my photos and such up, I'll show you pics of our Charlie Brown Christmas tree and assorted festive things we've been doing. But in the meantime...

I've been making my list and checking it twice - so I can cross people off it. Now, please forgive me if I'm repeating myself, but I caught a bit of flack for my gift giving post , and may have come off as a bit of an ungrateful Scrooge. Scrooge? Perhaps, but not ungrateful, honest! Part of the difficulty in writing my musings is straddling that fine line between truth and tact, and to be fair, tact has never been my strong suit. What I meant to communicate was that it's awesome and fabulously kind when someone thinks of us and gets us a little something. Having said that, let's be honest here - how many people on your Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza/Solstice/Generic Holiday list are you buying things for because you feel like you have to or should? How many of them do you know well enough to have an inkling of what they would like? This is my point. We so often buy out of obligation, allowing gift giving to burden our hearts and our pocketbooks. And what of the gift, now destined to become clutter? THINK ABOUT THE POOR GIFTS, PEOPLE! No more, I say, no more! Let us be freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Dear Reader! So, I'm following Laura's Rules of Simplified Gift Giving this year:

1. If I don't know what someone would like, I will a) ask them or b) present them with a Clutter Free Gift.

2. Clutter Free Gifts for everyone I am "obligated" (read: would be really, really awkward if I didn't) buy for. Family pictures for scrapbooks ,gift cards, homemade baking mixes for banana/zucchini/super-healthy-raw-sprouted-algae breads (I'm making YOU the last one), purchased edibles, etc. It's also fun to let them pick their present - let them leaf through a book of sewing patterns, recipes, etc and choose what they like. Then you make it (uuuum, sure - I'll get right on that 45 layer crepe cake. But are you sure you wouldn't like tacos instead?).

3. Wherever possible, opt for a Memory or Experience Gift. A Memory Gift is a photo album, scrapbook, framed photo, etc. An Experience Gift is a night of free babysitting, a meal together, a day at the museum, etc. You know, all those things that your Tween or Teen will love. Heh heh.
And that's it! I don't care if you've been naughty or nice, I love you regardless. BUT. When you add up parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends of cousins, dentists, the guy who got rid of your bedbug infestation last year, your pen pal in Borneo, etc, OH MY GOSH THE CRAZY! Here are some things that we're giving this year:

ATTN GRANDPARENTS: IF YOU ARE READING THIS, STOP IMMEDIATELY OR SANTA WON'T BRING YOU ANYTHING BUT COAL!

www.Snapfish.com has great deals on photo books, mugs, mousepads, what-have-you. And it's really easy to use - score!
"The Enchanted Broccoli Forest" cookbook by Mollie Katzen has some awesome quickbread recipes (or just google some) that make for easy mixes to give. You can also look for simple recipes for homemade granola, etc.
Gift cards! Who doesn't like a Starbucks card? If you don't, what's wrong with you? Other great ones are fabric.com (for the sewing fanatic in your life - hint hint), iTunes, Sephora, you name it! Or just give good old fashioned cash - check out
http://www.stickitrightonthemoney.com/ for creative ways to give it.

Day 55 - Bread or Brick? You Decide!

Mmmmm, what's that heavenly smell wafting from my kitchen? Well, I can tell you what it's not. In the past week, I've suddenly gone all Sally Homemaker and decided that Baking Bread is something I simply have to do. In the past, I've tackled quickbreads, muffins, and the occasional bread machine loaf, but now I'm ready to graduate to the Real Thing. Except. I can't get the damned thing to rise. Now, I'm tempted to blame it on bad yeast (entirely possible since heaven only knows how long it's been sitting around in the grocery store), but what if it's not? What if I've finally met my match? What if I am somehow genetically unable to bake bread?!

Now, when this madcap idea of pounding dough and kneading loaves first occurred to me, I found myself having to answer two questions. Q: Why not use a bread machine? A: Easy. I gave mine away last year in a fit of purging. But, beyond that, I'm after more than just an edible loaf of bread. There's an alchemy to this baking business, something that goes beyond the finished product. Q: Isn't it simpler just to go buy bread from the store? A: Hmmmm. That depends on what definition of simplicity we're going to use today. There is the very literal "simple" meaning fast and easy. So yes, in that sense, a store-bought loaf would be simpler. But then there's the "essential simple", the simple that demands that we give up the fast, the hurry, the burdensome, and focus on the elemental, the humble, and the plain. Amish Simplicity. So, in this case, dough pounded by hand is the simpler option.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, a HILARIOUS look at attempt #3 - a "Rustic Italian Brick Bread"



Got mah ingredients together




Dead yeast?



Hmmmmmm.....

And the verdict? .....

It's a brick!

Day 54 - Pass the Tissues

My poor computer got a virus, and is NOT expected to recover. Now, to be fair, it lived a long and productive life, right down to the peanut butter and toast crumbs nestled in the keyboard, but this was its swan song. My husband worked feverishly through the night to recover essential files, but here's what's so unexpected: instead of a crushing sense of impending doom, I felt... relief? Yes, a little bit of relief! Once he had rescued the really important things - pictures, videos, music, and a very few documents, I had a Simplified Computer! You see, for weeks I've been trying to rid myself of extraneous files, random folders, etc only to be foiled by "what if...." . What if I need that alphabetized list of Superfoods? What if I can't find the names of the seventy five bodice-rippers I want to read next summer? And what about my recipe for lobster thermidore (yeah, right)? Turns out, much like physical clutter, e-clutter weighs you down. I'm waiting for my new computer, and have resolved not to clutter it up. Much. Tomorrow, I'll be sure to tell you all about the Great and Epic Bread Saga!

Day 53 - The Holidaze

OK - raise your hand if you have an entire room dedicated to storing your holiday decorations. OK - you and you can leave, this post is clearly not for you. Now, you can't see me, but my hand is definitely not raised - we only have four rooms, so my decorations get approximately half a shelf in my husband's disaster area tool closet. Now, I come from a family who loooooooves decorating. Correction - my mother loves decorating. She has a banner for every season, garlands for every holiday, and at least three outfits for the goose. "The what?", you ask The goose. Many moons ago, my grandmother, for reasons known only to her, gave my mother a huge plastic goose that came with outfits (Santa, Easter Bunny, and a cow outfit - if you figure this one out, call me). In any case, it's just not a holiday unless the goose is correctly attired.

In any case, the birth of my child seems to have triggered the Seasonal Decorating Gene (and the Drink Lots of Eggnog Gene), and I find myself suddenly longing for wreaths on the door, tinsel icing the tree, and hundreds of ornaments for Sebastian to break. BUT. I cannot. I must not. I should be am committed! Here are my new guidelines:

- feature things that die so you don't have to store them (a centerpiece of pomegranates and green pears for example, or fall leaves taped to the window)
- keep what means the most (the Charlie Brown Christmas tree you've had since college, the lopsided angel ornament your niece knitted you out of old Barbie clothes, etc.)
- think thin and get creative (use up your fabric scraps to make seasonal wall hangings that store flat, table runners, etc.)
- set the stage with music. Face it - you can only really get away with Christmas carols for one month, so put that playlist on repeat and listen to "Santa Baby" until your ears bleed!

This is what I did for November:

Fancy leaves taped right on the window. Classy.



Tallulah the Turkey (sewn from my scrap bag)



I'll be sure to post pics when I've got the December stuff up. I figure I'll just lob some cranberries and a pine cone in a bowl and call it a day. Tomorrow, I'll tell you about today's adventures in bread baking. Hint: I haven't managed an edible loaf yet!

Day 52 - Simple Spa Catastrophes

We're baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! We had an amazing time - buffets, swimming pools, and mile upon mile of gorgeous ocean. Here's my favorite story for you:

Marty had a day off, so he banished me to the spa for a couple of hours while he watched Little Lord Sebastian (who was feeling his oats thanks to unlimited trips to the previously mentioned buffets). I go down and, while I'm deciding what overpriced goo I want slathered onto my face, I'm accosted by the "medi-spa" team who proceeds to offer me Botox and collagen injections. Presumably because I need it. While I was still seething with righteous indignation, I was escorted down to the Thermal Suite - an amazing room with heated chairs, tropical rain showers, a dry sauna, and two aromatherapy steam rooms. In other words, heaven. After lounging blissfully on a heated chair for awhile, I figured I'd try out the Tropical Rain Shower. I go in, turn on the water (a delightful cascade from the faucet above), and see a button labeled "Tropical Mist". Sounds lovely, right? I press it, and at least eight water jets shoot out of the wall and nearly blast me out of the stall. I almost drowned as I tried to figure out how to turn them off! Oh, Dear Reader, how I wish you could have witnessed the hilarity of this moment! I'll leave you with this image, and we'll jump back into the grind tomorrow - simplifying holiday decorating. Get your tinsel ready!

Day 51 - Hooooooooooooooooo Lawzy!

Oh yes - it has been one of Those Weeks. Now, on the up side, it's been very productive: got the young 'un his first passport (may devote a whole post to this if I can bring myself to relive the crazy), sewed a sparkly romantic/medieval themed costume for a gig, did the gig, got a Huge Scary Mole removed from my face (that someone actually called a growth - I am offended), and finished marathon proposals for three more events. I also managed to shower most days - WIN.

So why squeeze all that sewing, gigging, and showering into one week? 'Cause we're going to the Caribbean, baby! Woooooooooooooooooooooo! We'll be joining my hubby on the Allure of the Seas, where my sweet baboo is doing the lighting design for some of their shows. A whole five days of awesomeness, and it's all mine! This ship is so big it has it's own park! Again - WIN.

So this has been a week of treading water. I DID manage to use up some of my costume stash fabric, and check two huge things (passport and Mutant Mole) off my list that have been there since the beginning of time. But Mama is tired - deeply, deeply tired. So tired in fact that I'm hallucinating mice running across my floor, which means one of two things: I've suddenly got a really big rodent issue or I've absolutely got to get some sleep. I'm praying it's the latter, because the only pitter-patter of little feet I want to hear belongs to Sebastian. Nighty night!

Day 50 - The Great Abyss of Toys

You haven't LIVED until you've stepped on a Lego barefoot, discovered blocks and a half-chewed Wheat Thin in your bed, or found a melted crayon in your dryer. What is it about childrens toys that makes them multiply and proliferate wildly around your home? Sebastian is going through a phase where he's hiding his toys in fun places like the VCR, the toilet, behind the radiator, and in my shoes. Did I mention how much fun this is?

This has been Pack Up the Baby Crap and Put it In Storage week since my little man is now officially a toddler. This included going through the toy box and culling all the toys he no longer plays with, and getting rid of the ones he never did. Funny thing about ankle biters - they love the wierdest stuff, don't they? For all his fancy toys, his very favorite thing to play with is an empty tube of Butt Paste. Butt Paste, people. File that under "boys will be boys"? Whatever, I've given up.

In any case, I've instituted a one box rule for his toys, meaning that they all have to fit in the small canvas toy box we gave him. As Major Kill-Joy parents, we also have said no to:

- electronic toys - a) he's too young b) batteries = pain in the butt c) those tinny electronic noises MAKE MAMA CRAZY
- "closed ended" toys/toys that only do one thing and limit creative play
- branded toys like Sesame Street or Toy Story - it's a money making machine, more on this down the road

So, we let him raid the recycling for coffee cans and water bottles, unpack drawers of clothing, and give him free reign with all the wooden spoons and wire whisks he can handle. If he's lucky, one day we'll give him his very own cardboard box to play with. I can already see how hard it's going to be to keep to the one box rule since Oma brings him a present every time she comes over, but we are steadfast. Once upon a time, kids had maybe one or two toys, and made do with sticks or ribbons or dead rats found objects; now, if a child doesn't have a toy box stuffed to overflowing (with Educational Toys, of course) and a Wii, well, what chance do they have of making it in this world? A very good one. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and fish a teething ring out of the toaster.

OK, NOW We Have Pictures!

A picture of the charging station I'm sewing from the book "One Yard Wonders":

The fabric I'm using:

The filing cabinet cover I made using the same fabric (also from "One Yard Wonders") - he looks vaguely peeved that he's been thwarted.

Coffee table cover I made (read: pinned together)



Day 49 - Fabulous Weekly Wrap Up!

Ah, Daylight Savings. Love the extra hour of sleep (HA HA, Silly Reader - Sebastian can't tell time), but not loving the fact that it practically got dark at noon yesterday. And what's with all the stores getting out their CHRISTMAS stuff and playing carols already? Bah, humbug! You can expect a Righteous Rant about this in the weeks to come. On a cheerier note however, this is one of my favorite times of year; there's an invigorating chill in the air, the leaves are changing into their autumnal finery, and every coffee place in Creation is breaking out their own version of The Delicious and Irresistible Pumpkin Thing that Will Make Laura's Jeans Too Snug by Christmas Thanksgiving. Hooray to that!

So, this week we tackled the coat closet and Things With Cords (I didn't get to my junk drawer, sue me). The cords thing has proven to be more of a project than I had envisioned, but it's puttering along. I'm sewing a small charging station using the pattern from "One Yard Wonders" - awesome book, highly recommended. Lookie see - here are pictures!

... Ugh, hang on... stupid camera....

Day 48 - Things With Cords

From some of my previous FB postings and my much-proclaimed love for the Amish, you may have gotten the impression that I am somewhat anti-technology. No, no dear reader! Au contraire! I think that, so long as technology serves us and not the other way around, electronic gizmos can genuinely make our lives easier and more fun. But lemme tell ya - it's a fine line. Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

Remember when:
- we dragged walkmans around? And 50,000 tapes?
- we had to dig out a quarter to make a phone call?
- we wrote addresses down in little books that we repeatedly lost? Or if we wanted to change books, we had to copy everything over?
- we hand-wrote our essays for school and thought it was super fancy to use a typewriter?
- we didn't have the internet?

Feel free to add your memories from yesteryear here. Now, I think that MP3 players, smart phones, and computers are a big step up from the Dark Ages, but I am awash in cords. What with my e-reader, iPod, cell phone, laptop, etc, it's starting to look like an HR Giger painting on my desk. Add to this the eco-guilt of leaving the plugs in all the time (in case you're a borderline eco-slob like myself, you're supposed to put them on a power strip & only turn it on when they're actually charging), and you've got the makings of some serious crazy. So, my mission for today:

- sew a "charging station"
- plug the damned things into a power strip already (and then lose my mind when I forget to turn it on and am 5 minutes from walking out the door and the cell phone isn't charged - this oughta be good for a laugh).

A few months down the road, I'm actually going to do an experiment where I go for a week one whole day without using anything electronic. But that day is so not today.

Day 47 - The THING in the Closet

Sebastian is obsessed with the vacuum cleaner which lives in our hall closet. When I say obsessed, I mean alternately terrified and fascinated. You see, on the rare occasion when I actually vacuum something, he follows me around OH-OH-OOOOOOOH-ing in his very best "I am the alpha baby" voice trying to intimidate it (never works - the vacuum just looks at him). He's now dexterous enough to open the hall closet, which he does on a daily basis, JUST to yell at the vacuum cleaner. It's awesome, and one of these days I'm going to get it together enough to video it so I can show it to his prom date.

Onwards. Today I tackled my hall/coat closet. I was pleasantly surprised to find a minimum of stuff for Purge-atory. In fact, the most taxing thing I did was put all those free-floating hats, gloves, and ear warmers in a hanging bag - whew! Had to lie down afterwards. I was hoping to pare down to the most minimal of coat wardrobes, but NY has 4 distinct seasons ( most years...), and a small range of coats really is a necessity if you don't care to freeze or wilt. So, I purged two and kept five (one down, two wool, one jean, and one mod embroidered).

Well, I'm off to vacuum something since I've gotten The Thing out of the closet. Perhaps I'll chase after some little toes...

Day 46 - Fabulous Weekly Wrap-Up!

Happy Halloween everyone! Hope your little goblins scored a ton of candy (for you to snack on when they're not looking). So, this week I:

- meditated on the frantic side of busy
- tackled the monumental task of organizing my fabric stash - 16 boxes worth! I barely survived
- enjoyed Halloween with my little monkey and ate every piece of his candy (oh hush, he's only 13 months old - he can't have candy)

Next week, I'm tackling the coat closet, Things with Cords, and my junk drawer - yee hah. This evening, I'll leave you with a Halloween tale from my childhood. When we were young, my mom would send us trick-or-treating with a group of the neighborhood kids. We would make the rounds, trying to hit every single house with the porch lights on, and making sure to visit the Cramers twice (they always gave full sized Hershey bars). Our neighborhood of Pine Lakes was aptly named, lined with huge pine trees, acres of shrubs, and fabulous twists and turns. Each year, my mother would dress in some bloody, gory costume and hide in a ditch until we'd walk by; then, she'd jump out and scare us to the point of wetting our pants. It was so awesome! One year, we took a bit of a detour, and she hid in a damp ditch for almost two hours waiting for us - that's commitment! Even better? When someone pulled over because they thought she'd been hit by a car; she had to explain to them that no, she was just lying in a ditch to terrorize her children. Here's to childhood, and getting scared silly by the ones who love you the most!

Day 45 - Halloweenie

It's days like these I when really love being a mom. Today, I forgot about the stinky poop slings, the midnight operas, and the fact that my son's favorite thing to eat is paper. Today, I rediscovered Halloween through the eyes of my monkey, and I'm betting that it gets better every year.

Please don't ask what I'm wearing. Just. Don't. Ask. Focus instead on the adorable monkey I'm holding! I wore him in the carrier all over the park, so he was literally "the monkey on my back". It made me think about the traditions I want Sebastian to experience - spending the whole month planning the Best Costume Ever, carving the goofiest jack-o-lantern, sneaking candy one piece at time until you puke, you know - the fun stuff. It's nice to have a bit of space in my life to catch these little moments before they're gone and he's a teenager who would rather have his knuckles broken than give me a hug in public. So, I downloaded "Monster Mash", stuffed him into a monkey costume, and turned him loose in a pumpkin patch. I let him eat part of a spiced scone (he LOVED that), and then I spent a good part of the day nom-noming his chubby cheeks as he cackled and tried to stick his finger up my nose. And that was just the day before Halloween! I'm not sure what we'll do tomorrow, but I do know what we're wearing.

Day 44 - Don't Touch My Stash, Dude!

I'm back I'm back I'm back! The hubby was home for a whole 10 days, so we spent them doing Family Things and Catching Up (...brown chicken brown cow...) and not blogging. Priorities, people! ANYWAY. The time has come for me to face facts: I have a teensy weensy little problem. It started small, just a yard here or there, an innocent order at fabric.com, a quick trip to Mood. "I can stop anytime I want", I told myself, but here we are friends: I am suffering from a fabric addiction. You heard me. I'm being buried under an avalanche of yardage, and I absolutely cannot stop myself! Faux, leather? Gotta have it! Organic cotton knits? Outta my way! Sparkly holographic spandex on sale? Try to stop me! Oh, the pathos...

Now, I know I'm not alone. Fess up, sewing mamas! I know all about your stash - hiding in the closet, stuffed behind the sewing machine, overflowing the bins in the garage! Aaaaaaall that fabric, with or without a designated project in its future. Well, the time has come for this mama to pare down a bit... but just a bit. There's no way in H-E-double-hockey-sticks that I'm parting with my yardage, but I think I can safely get rid of the tiny scraps that wouldn't even clothe a matchstick. However, this calls for a compromise: while I'm not getting rid of a lot, I'm imposing a moratorium on any new fabric until I've used up a good amount of what I have (of course, the first person to remind me of this when I sneak home from the fabric district is likely to get a knuckle sandwich). I'm also putting it all into proper bins since I've got it scattered from here to Kingdom come. Ugh, I can feel the withdrawal starting even now... must... not... click... "confirm order"....

Day 43 - That'll Be $4367

So. We have reached the Time of Childproofing. This is so much fun, and all the gates add such a cozy, minimum-security prison look to my home! Sigh. If you are the parent of a small child, you've no doubt noticed the thousands and thousands of dollars worth of stuff you can buy to protect your child from everything from electrical shocks to poison. As we navigate this maze of measures, my question is: how much of this is really necessary and how much will just separate me from my hard-earned money and make me crazy?

A friend recently reminded me that even the best childproofing may just buy you time, and nothing replaces good supervision (moms - you know what I'm talking about - how your ears perk up when it's a little too quiet and you just KNOW that your child is eating chapstick?). She suggested a three-tiered approach to childproofing:
Level 1 - stuff that can kill them (poison, stairs, gas stove, etc.), the non-negotiables
Level 2 - stuff that could be very unpleasant (pulling things off tables, falls, etc.)
Level 3 - stuff that makes life more convenient for you (gating them into a particular room, etc.)

This approach makes a lot of sense to me. Short of wrapping them in bubble wrap and duct tape, we cannot prevent every accident, but we may be able to sidestep a lot of them. Over the next few weeks, I'll be trying to take a creative approach to keeping the young un from killing himself before I threaten to do it when he's 13. For starters, he loves to run around the coffee table, and managed to skin his nose on it last week - we both cried. Afterwards, I rimmed it with UGLY UGLY UGLY protective bump guards since it's only a matter of tiem before he gets up close and personal with it again. Then, I covered it with a really pretty jacquard cover I whipped up on my sewing machine. I also made a cover for the filing cabinet that he is determined to amputate his fingers in. I'll post pics this weekend, but you see where I'm going with this. Do you have any childproofing tricks that might save money and aren't hideous? Let's hear 'em!

Day 42 - Rushing Around Like a Demented Bumble Bee

Being as I'm all a-tired from pulling together this behemoth of a corporate show, I don't have the oomph to do much except make the following observation. Let's catalogue it under "Science of the Obvious". There are only so many hours/minutes/seconds in the day, and when we choose one thing, it most likely means excluding something else. I mean, let's face it - multitasking can only get you so far. Part of the reason I chose to actively simplify my life was because I couldn't help but feel that I was so busy, I was missing my own life. Ever feel that way?

Now, I'm not talking about busy weeks or even months; there will be seasons of life where everything converges in a perfect storm of crazy. I'm talking about YEARS of frantic racing hither and yon, and being proud of it because a) we think we're SUPPOSED to be insane or b) we've mistaken it for a full and productive life. Or, perhaps we're run down and burned out, and wondering how the days flew by without our noticing it. And we have no idea which day could be our last, or the last of someone we love (morose, but true).

So, I choose not to be manic, crazed, insane, or frantic for the long haul. Today? Maybe. But not for the long haul. A juicy life doesn't have to be packed with enrichment and scheduled to the hilt to be truly nourishing. If my days are packed, I want them packed full of Life, which includes episodes of hectic rushing/cramming/scurrying, but also moments of beautiful stillness and quiet beauty. I don't want to miss smelling the baby smell of Sebastian's head, sharing coffee on the couch with my husband, or noticing the leaves starting to abandon ship on the tree outside. It seems to boil down to the preciousness of time, and whether we will spend it deliberately or not. Don't waste the miracle! Now go on, shoo - git. Go eat pie.

Day 41 - Fabulous Weekly Round Up!

With a poor sick beh-beh this week, not so much time for blogging. Or simplifying for that matter. But what was nice? That I had wiggle room to focus on a Feverish Sneezy Coughy Snot Monster and not have my world collapse in a tidal wave of chaos. Seems that some of that previous simplifying paid off! Hallelujah. The highlight? When I was carrying Sebastian on my back, and heard several (very, very moist) sneezes. Snot in my hair, down the back of my shirt, and, by the time I got him turned to the front, snot ALL OVER his head courtesy of both hands. If you had told me how little this would bother me pre-baby, I would have laughed and secretly thought your standards were too low. But now, I know... oh yes, I know.

So what did I do this week? I curtailed my crazed couponing, and assembled outfits so I can grab 'em and go. Oh yeah, I live a wild and crazy life. And what's super awesome? My hubby's home from tour for TEN WHOLE DAYS!!! You can't see me right now, but I'm doing an embarrassingly good chicken dance. OK, no more time for writing - my husband's home after all.

Day 40 - Is That What You're Wearing?

Since the Economic Downturn (cue depressing music), how often have we heard the perky ladies on the morning shows telling us to "shop our closets"? Well, today I did just that. I tossed my credit cards in my purse, grabbed a cart, and made a left at the bedroom door. I flung open my armoire and shopped til I dropped!

First, I changed out my spring/summer wardrobe for my fall/winter one - that in itself is like getting all new stuff. Then, since I have the fashion sense of an armadillo, I consulted www.instyle.com to give me a couple of pointers on how to pair a jacket and stilettos get dressed in the morning without looking like a very pulled-together bag lady. Well, for starters, I discovered that I'm doing it all wrong. This whole fashion thing? All wrong. This leaves me two options: 1) care 2) not care. I'm choosing option 1.5 - caring, but not too much.

The result? At least a month's worth of reasonably well-put-together outfits that won't make me look like I'm trying too hard. As I always say: if you're old enough to have worn a trend the first time around, you're probably too old to pull it off the second (in fact, here's a litmus test for you: if you're reading this blog, you probably shouldn't attempt that 80's trend). On the other hand, hell - who am I to tell you how to dress? If you want to parade around daily in a gold lame' disco dress with blinking lights on the (ahem) bodice, you go right ahead and fly that freaky flag. As for me? My days of fashion slavery are long over, and have been replaced by a "whimsical serviceability". I'm good with that.

Day 39 - Pinching Pennies Until They Scream

Attention shoppers! Ever wonder where all your hard-earned moolah winds up? ME TOO! Now, in general, I don't shop for fun. Don't get me wrong , I remember the thrill of coming home with bags of fabulous possibilities ("I will wear this chartreuse mini-dress EVERY DAY!"), but I'm trying to pare down, not stock up. Except.... except when it comes to groceries. When it comes to edibles, I morph into some sort of obsessive mutant coupon bounty hunter; I piggyback manufacturers coupons on top of store sales, buy in bulk, and rebate out the wazoo. I am Crazed Coupon Woman! So what's the problem?

 

The problem is that I'm trying to go all organic and healthy and most coupons are for highly processed foods or things we don't use. And while it KILLS me to pass up Raisin Bran at $.75 a box, I think we can do better. Besides, it takes a lot of time to clip endless coupons, check websites, comparison shop, and run to eight different stores, all the while making a list and checking it twice. Complicated. So here's what I'm a-gonna do.

 

1. Clip organic/healthy coupons only - that'll narrow it down.

2. Pick the grocery store with the cheapest prices & let the chips fall where they may, with trips to Trader Joe's whenever possible.

3. When I start to hyperventilate about the Raisin Bran special I'm missing out on, I can remind myself that even with the sale, ounce for ounce that canister of steel cut oats is way cheaper. Now mind you, I don't have to soak and boil my Raisin Bran, but one must make some sacrifices.

 

This will take some revisiting, but it's a good start. Besides, I know people (certainly not me - I would never do this) who have demolished an entire box of cereal in a day. I'm just sayin'...

 

Organic Deals and Coupons

 

Day 38 - I Hate Strollers

I do. I hate hate hate strollers. Now, I know that many mums love them, and in places other than NYC I can see them working out rather well. BUT. In the city, with the crowds and the subway and the dogs and the exhaust fumes and the lots and lots of crazy, well, you get my drift. Strollers are not just a pain, they're a liability! Allow me to explain.

A few days ago, we had to do a production meeting/site consult for a HUGE corporate event we're doing the aerial entertainment for. My dear assistant Sarah very kindly agreed to wrangle the little one for me while I was being buried alive in corporate this and that, so I brought him into the city in his stroller... which I have used once. Oh, the carnage! I must have clipped twelve people as we careened through the rush hour-packed streets on our way to the venue - it's a miracle anyone survived! Briefcases and papers were flying everywhere, people were diving for cover, and for those who weren't fast enough, well, I hope they have good insurance. Meanwhile, Sebastian was having the time of his life, reaching out to try to grab dangling purses, dog leashes, and a fist full of some poor woman's panty hose. It was awesome. And by awesome, of course I mean the most stressful way to get my baby from place to place EVER. My solution? Babywearing!

Fellow blogger and all around amazing mom Pamela Dayton wrote up the most awesome entry about babywearing - do check it out (and while you're at it, subscribe to her blog - you'll look forward to every post). Besides being an incredibly simple way of getting your baby from point A to point B, it allows you literally hundreds of those oh-so-sweet-and-all-too-fleeting moments of perfect baby enjoyment; you know the ones: snuggled sleeping under your chin, laughing hysterically at heaven-knows-what, sticking a tiny finger right up your nose or mashing banana in your ear (oh come on, you know you only pretend to hate it). So simple, so awesome.

I've wondered how long I should wear Sebastian, or how long I'll be able to schlep him around this way. My goal I've decided? Until he can walk like a New Yorker - briskly and with a purpose (which, given his current zooming state might not be too far in the distant future). Or until I'm crippled for life, whichever comes first. I just cannot handle the stroller drama, and maybe I won't have to. Much.

There are tons of ways to wear your behbeh (you can even make your own sling or carrier!), but my faves are:

The Moby Wrap (used until he was too heavy to carry in front)
The Beco (fantastic, distributes the weight in an ergonomically correct way)

If you have or are going to have a baby, it's definitely worth checking out!!!

Day 37 - No Really, You Shouldn't Have, Day 38 - Cheerio!

Day 37 - No Really, You Shouldn't Have

Woot! Happy birthday to me! I figured I'd take this opportunity to tackle the issue of presents, gifties, and "little somethings", and how they fit (or don't) into the simplified life. Those sainted souls who are close to me know better than to drop big bucks on presents, mainly because I'm one of those girls - the particular/hard to shop for kind.

Now, it seems to me that you could look at this one of several ways:
1. "Awesome! I'll ask her what she wants so she'll be sure to love it!" Score!
2. "Awesome! I'll get her a gift card and she can pick out what she wants!" Super!
3. "Awesome! I won't get her anything, I'll take her out for coffee." Perfect!
4. "Bummer. I never know what she wants, and I know for a fact she re-gifts all my presents. But I don't want to ask her what she wants because I enjoy throwing away my hard earned cash I want it to be a surprise." Hm. Not so good.
5. "I don't really care whether she likes my present or not - it's the thought that counts and she's lucky to get anything at all." Really not so good. Are you giving me a gift to punish me?

It's not that I'm ungrateful, truly! I'm always touched when people get me unsolicited gifts; I mean, who doesn't love being thought of? And some of you are AWESOME gift givers (example: my husband knew I wanted an iPod long before I did). But on the flip side, here's a question to ponder: when do presents become a burden to the recipient? For example, our apartment is "cozy", and everything in it is something we love, use, or that makes us money. If it doesn't fit into one of these categories, even if it's a fabulous or expensive item (hello, weird beaded purse with a kitty on it), we just can't keep it around - they'd have to send a TV crew over from "Hoarders" to find us, buried under a pile of stuff. So, when we get things that just aren't "us", the onus is on our family to pass it on in one way or another. And then the guilt, and the hassle...So, if you know someone who, like me, is actively trying to make room in their life for people and experiences rather than things, let me offer you some suggestions:

1. Cash or gift cards - unless you KNOW the person would be disappointed with $$ (in which case a visit to a therapist is in order - perhaps you could get them that?), this is an awesome gift. You can even find tons of creative ways to give it! If someone is passionate about a particular cause or charity, you can also make a donation in their name (just do make sure that it's truly important to them - I've seen this one go badly).

2. Just ask already! I know that I always have a mental list of several (thousand) items that I would love to have, but can't quite justify buying for myself. This is one of my favorite options - I get exactly what I want, I still love opening the package, and the person doing the gifting has the satisfaction of knowing they've gotten me something I truly wanted.

3. Time, company, or experience - instead of a thing, what about a good time (get your mind out of the gutter right now, pervert). Dinner out? A belly dancing lesson? (please... nobody get me that.) Underwater basket weaving session? An offer to babysit? Time hanging out with you? Perfect, I love it.

4. Memories - Another of my faves! Give a homemade scrapbook, photos, picture mug, love sonnet, or whatever. These are the things that never get purged, and that truly nourish the soul.

5. Useables - edible tidbits are always a go around here. The fancy chocolate, jam,  and cat poo coffee (thank you, Angela!) make great gifts because a) either you love it and will use it or b) you can pass it on pretty easily to someone who might enjoy it more. OR, as in the cat poo coffee, you can serve it at your next gathering and can let everyone in on the secret half-way through their cup (letting the cat out of the bag, so to speak). GOOD TIMES!

In closing, I would just encourage you to consider, really consider, the recipient of your next gift, and what you wish for that person. Sometimes, you just know you have a winner. But, when you're getting them something just to get them something? That's the time to take a leap of faith, and try a little something different. Or not.

Day 38 - Cheerio!

This is my final cleaning post (for now), and in a moment, I have an awesome anecdote to share with you. But first, I figured I'd tackle the issue of floors and how the heck to keep them clean-ish. First, I threw out my broom (gutsy, I know) and my floor steamer. Now, on Halloween, I'll have to ride around on my Swiffer! Awesome. I kept my "miracle mop" (a re-usable microfiber cloth on a stick) and my "Rubba-Sweepa" (a rubber nubby broom-y type thing with a squeegee on one side). That plus a vacuum cleaner is all I need to sweep, scrub, & suck up all the dirt... and other things. And you might want to consider having everyone take off their shoes on their way into the house - saves a LOT of sweeping time. OK, now for that anecdote:

A friend of my auntie and uncle had a baby. If this baby's pacifier (or anything else, for that matter) fell on the floor, it was promptly boiled and sanitized - wouldn't want baby to get any germs, right? Well, fast forward a few years, and POOF - twins arrive! Double trouble, double joy! When my aunt & uncle went to visit her, she opened the door and said, "Wait a second!". She turned and tossed a handful of Cheerios all over the floor and said, "That'll keep 'em busy for awhile!". Well, perhaps it loses something in the writing of it (you can't see my wild gesturing), but I love this story. So does Sebastian, who regularly snacks on petrified puffs or bits of yesterday's snack he found in his high chair. Mother of the Year right here, people!

Day 36 - Step Away from the Lysol

You could eat off my kitchen floor - trust me, Sebastian does it all the time. I suppose the real questions is: would you want to? To be honest, you'd probably keel over dead while I wouldn't necessarily serve a five course meal off it (the soup would get SO messy), I think you'd probably survive. However, if you've turned on the TV or opened a magazine in the past ten years, you might come away with the impression that you, your children, and your counter tops are teeming with viruses, bacteria, germs, Ebola, etc. Well, that's actually kind of true (except for the Ebola part - I really hope your counter tops are free of Level 5 hot agent viruses). But the real question is: how likely is it that these ickies will actually do you any harm? And might some of them be doing you some good? How clean is too clean?

Turns out, all that hyper-cleaning and sterilizing we've been doing has contributed mightily to antibiotic resistant bacteria, higher rates of childhood allergies, record numbers of autoimmune diseases, and wimpy immune systems. My friend Shannon once quipped that NYC children could probably "lick an anthrax popsicle" (I love this) and not get sick since they're exposed to all sorts of goodies on the subway, etc. When I was in India a few years ago, I watched the locals drinking water right out of the Ganges. Out of the Ganges, people. Can you imagine an immune system powerful enough to defeat what was in that water? I was totally impressed. Then I threw up for the next 24 hours.

Now, I'm not saying there's no place for the occasional use of hand sanitizers or disinfectant - you betta watch me use the Lysol the first time the ankle-biter brings home a poop-n-puke virus. If you live in a home with an immune-compromised person, or if someone is ill, it makes a great deal of sense to try to arrest the spread of germs. But for most of us, using triple-antibiotic ointment on every cut, squishing hand sanitizers between our fingers every few hours, and cleaning with products promising to kill 99.9% of germs are overkill. Basic hand washing with normal soap, house cleaning, and good hygiene will take care of a lot, but still give your immune system something to work on. So, for us it's bye bye heavy duty products, and hello to things like vinegar & lemon juice, and just plain old soap and water. It will be fine. Really. So, to the article in the parenting magazine that suggests that I wipe off my child's toys weekly in a bleach solution, I offer this: what's so wrong with a little dirt? And is it worse than my child mouthing a bleach solution? Get a grip. Eat dirt. It's good for you (and delicious when paired with a robust Merlot).
Now, lest you think I'm making all this up, here are some great articles. Check them out - then step awaaaay from the hand sanitizer.

Center for Disease Control

Grist

NY Times

Day 35 - Mmmmm.... Cleaning....

A few years ago, I got pertussis. As in whooping cough. Oh yes, I did - and it was absolutely horrific. I coughed non-stop for 18 days (and didn't sleep more than about 20 minutes at a time), and then had lingering asthma for the next three months. Now, by the end of it, I had abs of steel from all that hacking, but I had to switch to 100% natural cleaning products because the traditional stuff left me wheezing like a fat Schnauzer on a treadmill.

Now, why am I telling you this? If you have enough chemicals under your sink to make napalm, you might want to consider taking it down a notch to make it a little easier on your lungs, skin, etc. At the moment, I have a bunch of commercially made "natural" cleansers under my sink, all of which cost a bazillion dollars because all eco-minded people are loaded, right? Ahem. Right. Of course. In any case, how cheap and natural can a city mouse go without sacrificing that squeaky clean I crave? (get it? mouse? squeaky?) Turns out, I have everything I need in my pantry. Just call me Donna Reed.

Basics: acid (to cut grease), scouring agent (to, um, scour), micro-fiber cloths (to wipe up the mess when you're done)

Vinegar works beautifully (one part vinegar to one part water) as an all-purpose cleanser. You don't want to use it on marble, and you must dilute it properly or it can eat away at grout. You can even use this stuff as fabric softener, with the added bonus that it makes your detergent work better. My only issue? THE SMELL. Phew. So, I use it only where I really need to cut grease. Or when I'm making salad dressing. Hey, how's THAT for multitasking?

Lemon juice: also cuts grease. You can mix it with olive oil to polish your hard woods, shine your pots & pans, and mix it with a bit of vinegar and baking soda to make a cleaning paste. Removes hard water stains and build up from faucets too.

Baking soda - natural deodorizer (we need a lot of that around here), and absolutely fantastic when you need a little grit to get the job done. Used with a couple of cups of boiling water every two weeks or so, you've also got nature's Drano! Nifty.

My current favorite all-purpose cleaning recipe? 1/2 cup of water, one tsp of lemon juice (from a bottle is just fine), half a tsp of Baby Mild Dr Bronner's Soap.

Olive oil (or any kind of oil, for that matter) shines up stainless steel appliances right purty.

Micro-fiber cloths: amazing. You can clean most things with just a bit of water and one of these cloths. They clean without streaking, suck up dust, polish, babysit the children, take the dog for a walk, and then you just pop them in the washing machine when you're done! (the cloths, not the children or dog...)

And that's it, people! Once I've used up my stash of fancy eco-cleaners, it's scrubbing with marinade from there on out. Here are some good sites to get you started, and tomorrow, we're going to look at why blasting bacteria with assorted sanitizers may not be such a great idea. Now get to work, Cinderella!

Care 2 Make a Difference

EarthEasy

About My Planet

Day 34 - Come Fly With Me

This morning I was held for ransom by a dust bunny the size of a jackalope. It rolled into the living room, threw me to the floor, and demanded that I hand over my Miracle Mop... or else. Thankfully, Sebastian came to my rescue, and the dust bunny met an untimely demise in Sebastian's mouth. That's right people, my son ate a dust bunny this morning. Now, he didn't actually swallow it - I used the Jaws of Life to pry his mouth open so I could fish it out. But it got me thinking: I should probably clean more (gee, ya think?). It's time to get back on the Flylady bandwagon.

What is Flylady you ask? It's not a what, it's a who, and she's awesome. If you have ever despaired of getting ahold of your home, if you're living in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrom), I highly recommend her website. I won't explain it all here - if you're interested, check it out - but the gist of it is that you gain control of your home 15 minutes at a time through routines and quick "missions". Your home is divided into zones, and, once you've finished decluttering (ie finally getting rid of that ceramic cat - yes, that one), you begin the process of keeping it clean & peaceful. I'm hopping back on the bandwagon after taking a hiatus to regain my sanity after having my son - it's high time. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go do battle with The Crud on My Countertop - it's been giving me a funny look all day, I think the dust bunny may have given it ideas.

Day 33 - The "Where Does My Time Go" Results Are In!

Before we jump into Cleaning Week, I figured I'd share the results I promised from the "Where Does my Time Go" Challenge. Drumroll please! ............. I have no free time! OK, I exaggerate. But I honestly expected to go into this experiment and find oodles of hours I could be using to learn Swahili, hand tool leather jewelry, get a tattoo, you get the picture. I won't bore you with the numbers, but at the end of the week, I only truly wasted about an hour a day. And folks, I needed to waste that time. Instead of finding more time to be wildly productive, I discovered that everyone, including you, Supermom, needs some time each day to twirl your hair and stare off into space. It's essential. So your mission today is simply to consciously waste a little time today. And a little tomorrow, and the next day, and the next....

Day 31 & 32 - Sir, Could I Interest You in a Plaid Tie?, Fabulous Weekly Wrap Up

Well folks, the time has come. My boxes in Purge-atory have reached their expiration date, and I can't even really remember what's in there beyond the basic label of "clothes" or "shoes" that I put on the outside (trust me, it's easier that way - you'll talk yourself back into ALL SORTS of things that you'll never wear because you never did). So, what now? Well, throw them out, right! Not so fast there, Speedy. We have to get rid of them in a Responsible Manner. This means giving them to someone you don't like donating them or selling them.

Here are some suggestions:
- FreeCycle - this is my very favorite. You post the items you want to get rid of by email, and people come to you to take them away. It's a great way to make sure your things find a good home with someone who really wants them. BTW - if there are things you need, you can also post "wants" - you'd be surprised what people are giving away! I've gotten everything from books to clothes drying racks, all for free + the effort of going to pick them up. Awesome!

- host a "Naked Lady" party - Relax, it's not nearly as naughty as it sounds. Get all your (similarly sized) girlfriends together, and have everybody bring all the clothes and accessories they no longer want. Put the clothes in a pile, and stand back and watch the fabric fly as everyone snags what they want! It helps to place a few mirrors around the room. Everything that's left over gets taken to Goodwill, and everyone leaves with half a dozen fabulous things!

- Goodwill - pack it up and drop it off! Salvation Army is another great option.

- consignment store - Fabulous if you have items that are a bit more high-end and still in excellent condition (ex: those Manolo Blaniks you bought when you still had a job and only wore once because they nearly crippled you for life). You drop these items off at the store and, if they sell, you receive a portion of the selling price.

- Craigs List or EBay - Particularly good for "lots" - bundles of baby clothes, skirts, shirts, etc. There are rules for sellers, and you really have to watch for scam artists on Craigs List. The upside? You might get a nice price for gently used items. The downside? You may have to pack your items up and ship them out, post detailed pictures of the items, etc. If this is something you can trust yourself to do without going INSANE, have at it. I tried to get it together enough, but I had so much stuff to get rid of, I got overwhelmed & the boxes sat for two weeks in my hallway. Not simple, not good, not for me.

- yard sale - If you have a lot of fabulous items (and a yard), this might be worth it. Yard sales aren't exactly an option for New Yorkers, so that's out for me. It's also one of those options that, in this season of my life, requires too much effort for too little return.

This round? FreeCycle won out - I just want the bags and boxes out of my hallway. In the future, I may try to make some money off my things as I get rid of them, but for now, I choose my sanity over cash (if I didn't have two huge corporate shows to design this month, it might be a different story). At the end of the day, the "lift" and sense of freedom I get from flinging and purging is what I need right now. And a massage, I need one of those too. And a kitten. Or a cannoli. With chocolate.

Day 32 - Fabulous Weekly Wrap Up

Well kids, this week we:

- paid homage to our crock pots
- pared down the traditional medicine cabinet
- beefed up the hippy-dippy-homeopathic-herbal-but-no-chanting medicine cabinet
- freed the exiles from Purge-atory

Next week? Brace yourselves - we're tackling Housecleaning. Get out your tiaras!

Day 30 - The Hippy-Dippy Medicine Cabinet

I admit it. I am a little crunchy (but just a little - you can't strip me of my city-girl cred yet - I only eat tofu ironically. Boo yah, hipsters). One of the places said crunchiness manifests itself is in my medicine cabinet. Yesterday we looked at the essentials in traditional medicine, but what about alternatives? Below are some of my favorites that don't involve weird processes like fermenting or sprouting or astral projection. Or chanting. For all of my patchouli-wearing crystal-loving friends who LIKE to ferment, sprout, project and chant, have at it - I love you crazy kids. Speaking of kids, keep in mind that there are different guidelines for children & adults when dealing with traditional and alternative meds - check with a reputable source before dosing your young 'un with stuff.

Coughs & Sore Throats:
- organic and all-natural cough drops work as well as anything else for a dry, scratch throat and cough
- honey is a pretty effective cough suppressant - read all about it (now remember - NEVER give honey to children under one year of age - risk of botulism)
- Throat Coat tea tastes kind of oogy, but works well - slippery elm bark
- oscillococcinum - homeopathic flu treatment, best in the early stages

Stuffy Nose, Allergies
- neti pot

Tummy Trouble:
- peppermint tea
- candied ginger (or ginger in any form, really - whatever you can get down)
- papaya or pineapple enzymes

Bad Bruises or Muscles Strains/Sprains
- arnica gel
- ace or neoprene bandages/braces
- Epsom salts

Insomnia
- Sleepy time Tea from Celestial Seasonings
- a healthy shot of something alcoholic (occasionally, people, occasionally)

Skin Afflictions
- aloe vera (right out of the plant)
- tea tree oil - like nature's neosporin (anti fungal, antimicrobial, etc.)

Therapies:
- acupuncture works wonders on inflammation, endocrine issues, chronic pain, etc.

Preventative
- probiotics, in pill or food form
- neti pot (great when you've been exposed to a cold or feel early symptoms)
- sleep & good nutrition (quit that eye rolling - you know I'm right)

This list is by no means exhaustive, this is just what I have and use. Do you have any that you and your family can't live without? Share! Unless of course it involves fermenting, sprouting...

Day 29 - The Other Use for Handbags

I was the girl who threw up on the subway yesterday. Into my handbag. Oh yes, I was that girl. I guess I ate something that didn't agree with me, or maybe it was that entire cake I had with lunch? Who knows. The bottom line is that I spent the rest of the night paying for whatever sin I had committed to make me deserve that. Which brings me to today's topic: illness.

Nothing makes you appreciate good health more than a night worshiping at the Great Porcelain Throne. It got me thinking: out of the great pantheon of remedies, what do we really need to have in our medicine cabinet? I mean, let's face it, the only thing I use more than once a year is the ibuprofen. How little can I really get away with having in there?

- acetaminophen for fever reduction, headaches
- ibuprofen for reducing inflammation
- nasal spray for colds
- band aids, gauze pads
- ace bandage
- thermometer
- Pepto Bismol tablets for tummy issues (if you're prone to digestive drama)
- calamine or cortisone lotion for freaky skin rashes (if you're prone to rolling in poison ivy)

Beyond that, whatever you personally use on a regular basis. Half the stuff out there doesn't really work (cough suppressants are a joke), and the other half we buy when we need it and let the rest expire (I had TheraFlu from 1995!). Besides, beyond the basics like knocking out a fever or clearing a stuffy nose, rest, fluids, and a good margarita take care of 90% of what ails you. Hmmm. Margaritas.....

Day 28 - Ode to My Crock Pot

Until Sebastian is old enough to be farmed out for hard labor, I have the next best thing -an indentured servant, my crock pot. Seriously? I throw a bunch of heaven-only-knows-what in there in the morning, and by the time dinner rolls around, I have delicious, gourmet heaven-knows-what. For example, tonight I'm making Crisper Soup - you take whatever looks like it's about to go south in your crisper, add chicken stock & herbs, turn on your slow cooker, and puree half when it's done. The result is waaaaaaaaay yummier than you'd expect. So, from here on out, I'm making everything I can in my crock pot, and doubling the recipe to freeze it.

If you're new to crock pot cooking, I highly recommend checking out Leanne Ely's site Saving Dinner. She has some AMAZING options: menu mailers (she emails you weekly crock pot recipes complete with a grocery list), freezer menus (you assemble the recipes & freeze them), e-books, and more. I'm a big fan!

Day 27 - Fabulous Weekly Wrap Up

Day 27 - Fabulous Weekly Wrap Up
Whew - what a whirlwind of a wonderful week! I took the ankle biter down to visit his NC grandparents, and was spoiled within an inch of my life; a girl could get used to this! So this week we:

- said sayonara to our sad, unloved magazine subscriptions
- avoided stupid airplane fees by packing light and playing the harried mama card
- meditated on the stuffiness of stuff
- and moved our rear ends just a little more than we did the day before (yes, walking down the street to pick up a pizza does count...shut up)
- vowed to find out where the heck all that free time (heh heh) is slipping off to

Nutty week next week - seems like a good time to see where convenience fits into all this simplicity hoo hah! I feel an Ode to My Crock Pot coming on...

Day 26 - The Shut-In

Today, I actually wanted to leave the house. Allow me to explain. You see, those that know me are familiar with my hermit-like ways - I am the ultimate home body. I have grand plans for going to this museum or that party, and inevitably, when the time comes, I find that I just want to stay home to do home-y things, catch up on my to do list, and putter around my apartment muttering to myself. But, since I'm staying with the folks and am relieved of all the usual prep and upkeep of home life (no meals to cook, shelves to dust, rodents to dispatch of, etc.), I'm suddenly... a little stir crazy. It got me thinking - what exactly am I always so busy doing? And, given that I only have a finite number of days on this planet, shouldn't I get busy with the REALLY important stuff? Like that macrame class I've been putting off?

Each week has 168 hours. Let's have a good laugh and say that 56 of those hours will be spent sleeping, that's 112 hours left. 5 hours a week for teaching, about 28 spent slaving away on assorted household drudgery, that's 79 hours left. Do you see where I'm going with this? Where exactly is my time being spent when I'm home? I have a sinking suspicion that I'm going to find more than a few surprising time-sucks hidden in there with the child wrangling and day to day heroics. So, when I get home Sunday, I'm going to start keeping track. I hereby promise to publish the unpolished (and no doubt appalling) results, no matter how embarrassing. In fact, I invite you to do the same! What's your most embarrassing time waster? If you're an obnoxiously functional and effortlessly efficient person, make something up (or we'll all secretly hate you).

Day 25 - Getting My Gruve On

I used to be uber-active by virtue of my job (you try being sedentary on the trapeze). I would work out for an hour every day, walk at least 45 minutes around town, train on assorted apparatus, you get the picture. Well… let’s just say that my days look really different now.

Enter the Gruve. You wear it like a pedometer and it calculates your daily calorie burn (it’s pretty durned accurate too – it matched up very closely with my heart rate monitor). If you sit on your tush too long, it tases you vibrates to tell you to get a move on, and a small light lets you know where you are on the way to your daily burn goal by flashing red, orange, yellow, blue, or green. Set up is really easy; the first week is a baseline week, then if you get to green for 14 days, it ups your goal a bit. The idea is to get you moving more every day in the little things you do – taking the stairs, pacing while talking on the phone,  hog-tying your children, etc.

The verdict? Love. I’m ridiculously motivated to get to green every day. What I DON’T love is realizing how much activity it actually takes to work off that Cinnabon I ate last week. Nothing is more sobering than seeing that hour I spent watching “Project Runway” show up as a sad 24 calories burned – does lifting a spoon count for nothing people??!! I suppose not. Well, maybe if I lift it twice as fast…

Days 22, 23, & 24 - "Mag Hag", "On the Road Again", and "Stuffiness"

Whoooooooo lawzy, what a crazy few days! You know, the kind where you are feverishly praying that time will warp and expand so you can cram everything into 24 hours or less and not have your brain leak out your ears? Yes, those kind of days. (note: Stephen Hawking - if you are reading this blog, and I know that you are, could you please start working on this instead of mathematically proving or disproving the existence of God? This is much more useful. Thank you!)

Day 22 - Mag Hag
I am a magazine whore. In the pre-baby universe, I would whoop gleefully whenever a glossy packet of perky tidbits and fashionable frippery would land in my mailbox. I would pop them in my purse and spend many a happy moment poring over page after page of "Breathe Your Way to Boudoir Bliss" or "Firm Your Abs and Tighten Your Tushie While Folding Origami". I had even been known to pull out dozens of articles and catalogue them for later. But now? Boudoir bliss is an unbroken night of sleep and I haven't found my abs yet to tighten them. My once-beloved magazines are piling up in a grand heap and, instead of inspiring mini-makeovers and coital contortion (sorry Mom), they're now giving the gift of guilt. So... deep breath....
I'm letting the subscriptions run out. All of them. Here's the beauty of my plan: if I ever get to the point where I really miss one or two, I can re-subscribe. Genius, right? Thank you, I thought so too.

Day 23 - On the Road Again
I'm down in the fine state of North Carolina for the week hanging out with the parental unit, snarfing down Mom's home cooking (best. food. ever.), and showing off my spectacular progeny - sweeeeet! I flew down yesterday, and am celebrating a small triumph in air travel: I avoided a checked baggage fee. That's right people - I packed for myself & the baby for one week in a carry-on (you can't see me, but right now I'm doing a spectacular victory dance). Now, this won't work for everybody, and I had to make a few concessions (like not cloth diapering this week), but saving $50 is nothing to sneeze at, and hey - it more than paid for those eco-diapers. Here's what worked well:
- earlier in the summer, I sewed two reversible skirts - took those, some t-shirts, & one workout ensemble; the young un got one outfit per day
- no jammies - I sleep in the T shirt I wore during the day and the boobah sleeps in the onesie he romped in and a sleep sack
- I wore my jeans, sneakers/running shoes, and sweater on the plane (the bulky stuff) - so did the Grumpasaurus

But the main thing? I kept in mind that I rarely use the "kitchen sinks" I bring just in case. It helps too that there's a washing machine at my disposal (many hotels have these too), and a Walmart just a stones throw away if I need them. So far so good! Now, if you'll excuse me, Mommy has just made me an omelet. There's no place like (your parent's) home!

Day 24 - Stuffiness
Today's post is a simple observation: the less stuff you have, the less stuff you have to deal with/worry about/dust/collect/launder/repair/store/hide/corral/arrange/rearrange/donate/organize/baby proof/set up/tear down/move/pay for/return/turn on/turn off/insure/refill/shore up/inspect/throw out. In short, your stuff takes energy, of which you only have so much. Less stuff = more energy = more Living. Let's bless ourselves and others by donating STUFF (Something That Undermines Family Fun - thank you Flylady!) to others who need it. Then eat cake go for a run (heh heh) with all that new-found oomph! :)

Day 21 - Fabulous Weekly Round-up

OY! People, it's a miracle I survived this week: the Great Closet Purge of 2010. From boobie baskets to rhinestone lizards, I've gone through it ALL and kept only what I wear and love. Woot!

I watched an episode (or four) of "Hoarders" yesterday - oh. my. gosh. Wowzas! Have you seen this craziness? It chronicles a week in the life of chronic hoarders who are given the opportunity to work with an organization team & a therapist to get rid of the clutter. When I say clutter, what I actually mean is stuff/garbage/mice piled literally floor to ceiling, with only a small path to get from room to room. After I finished hyperventilating, I self-medicated with chocolate chips, and took a feather duster to everything that wasn't wearing a diaper. So, I dedicate the Great Closet Purge of 2010 to all those hoarders out there - may you find freedom in flinging. This lizard's for you.

Days 19 & 20 - Earrings and Purses and Hats - Oh My!

I have spent the past two days ankle deep in jewelry, scarves, purses, and scrunchies (yes, scrunchies - I wear them in the privacy of my own home, along with my housekeeping tiara and my 12 year old Isotoner slippers. And while we're at it, I religiously occasionally watch America's Next Top Model, sleep with my hair in a Little House on the Prairie braid, and have been known to down entire birthday cakes in one sitting. So there. But I digress...).

I am coming to the end of The Great Closet Purge of 2010, and I had a sobering realization as I looked at the 10+ grocery bags of clothes headed out for donation: I have wasted a lot of money on clothes, shoes, purses, etc. that I never really wore, when I could have spent that money on something more valuable like travel, or pie. It got me wondering: how much money has slipped through my fingers? I mean, sure it's great for the economy (of China), but why exactly did I think I needed a rhinestone encrusted lizard pin?

Now is not the time, but at some point this year, I am going to challenge myself to not spend $$ on anything that's not completely essential for one month. I wonder how I'd do? Ha - I'd probably break down in the first week and buy legwarmers or scented candles. Sigh... anybody want a lizard pin?

Day 18 - Don't Judge Me, or My Plastic Purple Earrings from 1986

Today, I will simply regale you with a list of things I found in my closet, which are now going to some teenage girl in outer Queens who will look much, much better in them than I did. I swear, I'm not making this up.

- frilly hot pink lace-up corset
- purposefully ripped tank top with flames on it
- rainbow toe socks
- Indian wrap skirts shedding handfuls of sequins
- silver lame' cami with red glitter roses
- fuzzy zebra-print booty shorts
- "mirrored ball" holographic dress (with matching silver platform heels)
- T shirt that says, "Inside this body is a skinny person trying to get out. I ate her." given to me by an ex boyfriend many moons ago. He thought it was funny. That's why he's an ex.

Honestly, it's like I was possessed by the spirit of Ru Paul. Well, mama can't work it like she used to (nor does she care to, for that matter). I'm trading in my rhinestones for gallstones touchstones, retiring my BeDazzler, and leaving the booty shorts to gals with a bit less booty.

Day 17 - The Over-the-Shoulder-Boulder-Holder

A long time ago, in a (pre-baby) galaxy far far away, I was able to frolic through the boroughs of New York in nothing more than a cami with a shelf bra, or perhaps a tissue-light bandeau gracing my bosom. You see, I had no boobs. Those days are so over. Thank you, pregnancy! Now, I wouldn't think of leaving the house without a double barreled catapult to house my rockin' rack. But how many boobie baskets does a girl really need? Never really having required one, I did some homework.

Step one: go get fitted. NOT. Please - I think I'll skip the fitting until I'm the same size for more than two hours (thank you, breastfeeding!). Next!

Step two: select. According to Kristin the Lingerie Expert, you only need a total of 4-5 boob holsters, all in NUDE: 2-3 regular everyday bras, 1 convertible, and one sports bra (+ 3 nursing bras). That's it.

So ladies, our challenge tonight is to fling those tired flopper stoppers, and for heavens sake get rid of the white ones. Ta-ta(s) for now!

Day 16 - Unmentionables

Let's talk panties! Not so fast, pervy dude to my left - this conversation is for ladies only. I'm gonna move over here, OK? You stay right there. For a brief history of undies, may I suggest this Wikipedia article? Very informative, even if it is totally weird that you're reading about underwear. At work. Anyway, from sacred undergarments to thong th-thong thong thongs, undies are a foundational piece of the wardrobe as a whole. Speaking of holes, who here is hanging on to panties with (unintentional) holes or elastic that has gone the way of the dinosaurs? Yeah, me too. Well, no longer.

Today, I tossed my tired drawers. While I was at it, I also purged those fabulously matronly nursing bras made of industrial strength Teflon, and most of my old thongs (bacteria highway, people). You deserve a pair of panties (or several even!) that do not droop, roll, bunch, or scream "I bought these 3 for $5 at the drugstore".

Tomorrow, we take a good look at the over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders; but, until then, check out my friend Kristyn Burtt's blog if you take your underwear a bit more seriously than I take mine. Happy flinging!