Sunday, March 27, 2011

Day 80 - Childproofing in the Age of Catastrophe

I have birthed a mountain goat. Funny - he looked like a little boy when I brought him home, but I was clearly mistaken. The metamorphosis started a few months ago when I spied tiny horns peeking out from beneath the two wisps of hair on his forehead. Uh-oh I thought - I'm in for trouble. Sure enough, within weeks his favorite word was NO!!!!! and favorite pastimes became playing in the toilet and endless rounds of Let's-Make-Mommy-Crazy - The Classic Version. Soon, when he didn't get his way, he began stomping his hooves and bleating (bleating, screeching, same difference) very very loudly, to make the neighbors think I was running a medieval torture chamber out of our living room. And now, in the final stage of his transformation: he climbs. On the bookcase. On the table. On the couch. On the desk. On the windowsill. On the changing table. Need I go on? I came in the other day to find him perched quite happily on top of my crafting box about eight feet off the ground, and I have no idea how he got there.There is nothing this child cannot scale, and, while I'm kind of awed by it, I would also like to avoid multiple trips to the emergency room.

I've gotten a lot of advice about this, mainly the "pad your whole apartment" variety, but I refuse to live in Romper Room, people. So here are some thoughts of my own:

- this is a phase. Like any other phase, it won't last forever, and kids do learn to obey "no" eventually (unless you've decided not to ever tell your children NO, in which case I strongly recommend that you pad your whole apartment, get a good therapist, and buy stock in pharmaceuticals)
- consistency counts - there are places he's allowed to climb (the couch) and places he is not (the bookcase or the chandelier)
- closing doors works wonders for keeping kids out of rooms when you don't want to have to hover over them
- creatively rearranging your furniture solves a host of climbing problems. So what if your lamp is balanced "Cat in the Hat" style on two vases and a laundry basket? Priorities, people.

I'll chat more about this in the coming weeks, but I'm really getting sick of Every-Accident-Is-Preventable thinking - the idea that if you don't shell out for $500 worth of childproofing materials, your child will no doubt be maimed! poisoned! decapitated! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! The childproofing checklists boggle the mind! There's a great book & blog on exactly this kind of Worst First thinking - "FreeRange Kids", check it out. Now, I'm not saying to leave gallons of Draino on the coffee table or your chainsaw in the hallway - common sense must prevail. But our nod to simplicity in the matter of childproofing is this;

- all serious dangers have to be addressed (poisons, knives, gremlins, etc)
- childproof for the child you have (you may not have a climber or a toilet diver)
- buy what you need to keep yourself sane - it's not just for their safety, your mental health counts too

These are my thoughts (such as they are) for now, and who knows - maybe I'll be swaddling Sebastian in bubble wrap and duct tape in a month. But for now, my mountain goat and I are gonna fight the machine.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Day 79 - Remember the Sabbath Day?

Hubby update: The Tokyo show was (very wisely) cancelled, so Marty will be heading to Korea soon. The irony that I will feel safer with him in Korea is not lost on me. Thank you all so much for your well-wishes and prayers, it meant so much to me!!!!!

Now - hands up: who here took a day off last week? (oooh! ooh! me me me me me!!!!) That's right folks, I took a Day Off this past week, and I totally deserve a sticker. Now when I say "Day Off", let's be very clear that it bears little resemblance to the decadent and extravagant lounging I did before my little mountain goat got here. The whole endeavor required planning and careful thought, as well as duct tape, twine, and a couple pints of frozen chili (...okay, not really on the duct tape & twine, but I thought about it).

Firstly, what is a Sabbath? Why is it so important? It's a Commandment, so it's gotta be big. So why are we so terrible at keeping it? My Jewish friends have it down to a science, with about 1,000 rules about what can and cannot happen on the Sabbath. For example, my Orthodox friends cannot use their phones or computers, no cooking, no cleaning, no public (or private, for that matter) transportation, etc. If they want a light on, they have to turn it on before sundown. Fascinating stuff, right? Well, they're totally onto something here: if we don't build hedges around our Sabbath, daily life will erode it until it's just another work day you don't spend at work. So, Mission #1 - create some hedges for my Sabbath.

Actually, I'm putting the cart before the horse here. In order to set some boundaries for my day off, I need to figure out what the purpose is. OK - here goes. First, rest, as in ceasing to toil, is really, really important. So, no computer to suck me into work stuff, no classes to teach, no cleaning the house, no chores, no projects. Second, worship or reflection is essential, and so is a bit of quiet (heh heh - good luck with that one). Community is right up there, so being with people I love (or at least really really like) is a go. Spending time on things I truly enjoy, like sewing or sitting and staring, also get the green light.

Since I teach on Sundays (I know, very heathen of me), I took Saturday as my day off. How'd I do? Well, I only turned on my computer once to look up some clothing designers to steal costume ideas from - I mean, glean inspiration from - and I didn't do ANY housework. Win. Without the computer, I read a lot, sewed some fabulousness, went to bed early, you get the picture. It was as peaceful as a day with a toddler could be, and I need more days like this for my sanity. Days with no rushing, no media, no email, no Facebook, no deadlines, no household drudgery, and no crazy. Just time to zerbert my baby, float bath toys in the toilet (not really, don't call CPS), eat raisins in the park, read a trashy vampire novel  Dickens, pray, sew some hot pants, whatever. And bonus? It gave me some real insight into the Time Sucks in my life that need some downsizing. More on that another day, it's time for more coffee and the peanut butter I'm going to eat straight from the jar so I can pretend it doesn't count. Cause it doesn't count if it's right out the jar, in case you didn't know.

Your mission? Take a danged day off already. The world will turn without you for one day. Yes it will. Stop arguing with me. What did I just say? Do you need a timeout? Yes, Dear Reader, I think you do.....

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Day 78 - Enquiring Minds Do NOT Want to Know, Thank You Very Much

Well Dear Readers, as many of you know, my hubby left yesterday for Japan. As in on the verge of nuclear catastrophe Japan. As you can well imagine, I am not at all happy about this. HE is not at all happy about this, but it would have been career suicide to refuse to go. So here we are: he is safe for now, and I am systematically polishing off jar after jar of almond butter.

All joking aside, this whole situation brings me to an interesting place. I am a worrier by nature - I fixate endlessly on the troubles of the day, real and imagined, and have been known to literally make myself sick ruminating for hours on "what ifs". Some fears are legitimate, and some border on complete lunacy; but it often seems like, if I don't have something to worry about, I'm missing something. That's messed up, ya'll.

Now, few of you would disagree that I have reason to worry right now; but strangely enough, I feel okay. Why? Denial, pure and simple. Or is it acceptance? Hard to tell. I realized that my worries are completely impotent in this situation; they are not driving me to productive action, and there is not a thing I can do to change anything. We bought life insurance, talked about what would happen if he didn't come home and made a plan, said everything that needed saying, and now... we wait. And pray. More noteable is what I an not allowing myself to do, which is check the news endlessly. This brings me to todays topic: reducing my news media consumption.

I gave up local gossip - I mean, news - a while ago. Honestly - what good does it do me to hear about every blessed fire, mugging, affair, rip off, etc. in New York City? And WHY is half of this stuff (Charlie Sheen?!) on the NEWS? It's not news folks, it's entertainment. And news media figured out long ago that we can't get enough of the bad stuff - ever wonder why you never hear about the amazing people doing extraordinary good in your community? Catastrophe sells. Scandal rakes in the bucks. Fear is big business.

With that in mind, I am being extraordinarily selective (especially now) about my news sources. Ever feel like it's impossible to get the truth for all the hype, sensationalism, and slant? Me too. And how do I strike a balance between being informed and news overload? How much do I really need to know? After giving it a lot of thought, here's what I came up with:

- no checking news over the next two weeks. If it's important I'll hear about it.
- if (when) I can't take it anymore and DO check the news, I will choose a non-American international news source to reduce the sensationalism (may make an exception for NPR)
- once Marty his home - I refuse to consider any other outcome right now - I will listen to international news from the BBC while I'm getting ready. If there's something I'm particularly interested in or wish to know more, I can easily find more sources online (from both conservative & liberal sources - the truth must be in there somewhere)

What I wish for myself is a broad understanding of important world events, and detailed information about issues within my immediate sphere of influence. Right now, the topics under the microscope in our home are isues of consumption (where our clothes and food really come from, going "green" and what that really means, frugality and thrift, etc.), parenting, and immediate community concerns (preserving local programs, the state of our neighborhood, and so on). Kind of a "think globally, act locally" dynamic.

So I hope you will all pray or think good thoughts for Marty's safe return - that, at least, is something we can do.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Day 77 - Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend... Or Not

Well, Dear Readers, I have spent the week pulling Sebastian off tables and desks, rescuing him from bookshelves, and prying scissors out of his sweaty little hands. Yes, it has happened. We have reached The Climbing Phase. Life as we know it is over. I'm just going to curl up in a ball in this corner and - WAIT! SEBASTIAN! GIVE ME THAT MACHETE RIGHT NOW AND GET DOWN FROM THE COUNTER! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY, GET DOWN GET DOWN GET DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN! .... such is our week.

In between plucking Sebastian from the curtain rods and catching him in mid-air after a flying leap off the couch, I had 30 seconds to pare down my jewelry. I mean really pare it down. I limited myself to:

- two pairs of earrings - one set of studs and one set of hoops
- two bracelets
- seven necklaces
- several sentimental/valuable pieces (wedding & engagement rings, grandmothers butterfly pin, etc.) that I will never part with

And that's all, folks! The result? I'm wearing stuff that I love every day, and special pieces are actually being worn instead of slacking in my jewelry box. I was worried that weeding out so much from my wardrobe would send me running for the hills with boredom, or make me a little "shoppy" (my husband always cringes when he hears that word). But in all honesty, I feel like I have more to wear, not less. I feel light and breezy, and am starting to sound like a feminine freshening product commercial, so I'll stop here.

My challenge to you, Dear Reader? Take a deep breath (or a mojito/Xanax/cabana boy, whatever does it for you) and pack away 90% of your wardrobe. You don't even have to get rid of it! Just put it "away" - boxes, trunks, storage, wherever. If you hate having less? Swap some stuff out and see if it makes a difference. Still hate it? Say $@*% my blog and pull all your stuff back out, then go shopping just for spite (be sure to email me pics of the Chihuahua you buy to go with the Paris Hilton-esque booty shorts and halter - I love dogs). Happy weeding!

Get doooooooooooooooooooown!

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Day 76 - Mama vs Closet: the Fight of the Century

TUESDAY TUESDAY TUESDAY! One day only at the Postma Arena! You won't want to miss the fight of the century! It's Amish Mama versus Crammed Closet, and only one of them is leaving the ring standing up. We'll sell you the whole seat, but you'll only need the edge...

I had every intention of weeding through my makeup case until I opened my closet and had a small breakdown (which may or may not have ended in an ugly scene involving me and a pint of Ben and Jerry's... but mostly may). How can I have an entire closet full of clothes, but feel like I have nothing to wear? I have no time for these shennanigans. It's moments like these when I very seriously consider A Uniform. Albert Einstein had seven identical suits. Amish women (and plain dressing women of other faiths) often only have 3-5 dresses total. The women of The Uniform Project go for a whole month (one went a whole year!!) with two identical dresses (and whatever accessories they've got in their closet). It got me thinking - would severely limiting my choices free me up in some way?

OK closet, bring it! I decided to limit myself to seven of some things, two of others. Seven: pairs of pants,  shirts, sweaters, skirts/dresses, necklaces, pairs of shoes.  Two: pairs of leggings (which I wear to teach), pairs of earrings, nice dresses, you get the idea. I did the same for my spring/summer clothes. It was harder than I thought it would be! I even found myself making up extra categories, like Seven Things with Polka Dots and Seven Things with Rock Band Names On Them. I took the remainders and asked myself:

- have I worn it in a year?
- does it fit?
- if there was a hurricane/flood/fire/baby vomit episode and this item was ruined, would I be really sad? Would I buy it again?
- does it have way too much glitter for your 36 year old self to pull off?

I packed away the remaining pile into one trunk to be dipped into as clothes wear out, the rest are being Freecycled. Ultimately, I'm toying with the idea of whittling down to seven outfits. Period. But I'm not there yet! I can say that, when I opened my closet after The Purge, I felt a profound sense of relief and lightness. Isn't it weird that too many choices weigh us down? Here's a good article on exactly this. I like this whole "seven" thing, and I think I'll do more of it.

On another note, you're all geniuses and total whizzes in the kitchen. You've been making: ice cream, mustards, nut & rice milks, flavored vinegars, tomato sauce, jams & jellies, nut butters, sauces and marinades galore, pickles, and so much more. You guys are all so inspiring!!!! I'm going to keep on going with this, adding one thing at a time. I made black bean burgers last night instead of buying the frozen premade ones. There's clearly a learning curve, but I saved about $3 by doing them myelf! Win. AND the hubby & behbeh liked them. Win again.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Day 75 - Do It Your Own Durned Self

It is a veritable Snot Factory here in the Postma household. Both Sebastian and I have colds, and somebody keeps wiping his nose on Mama’s shirt. So, in keeping with the theme of “Things That Are Green” (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew – sorry!), I’ll tell you about the latest chapter in the never-ending saga of my dietary life.
During The Great Nutritional Makeover of 2011, one of my goals is to eat as close to the earth as possible. Wait – that conjured up a disturbing image of me grazing like a cow in a pasture; let me rephrase. One of my goals is to cut out the cans, jars, packets, zip bags, cartons, containers, and general hoopla (read: waste) surrounding my food, thus saving me money and being Virtuously Environmental. What really tipped the scales was when a) our grocery store upped the price of canned black beans (beans, people) to $1.69 and b) I found out that said can likely contained BPA (hormone disruptor) that, with my luck, will have me growing testicles in another three years. No thank you on so many levels. It occurred to me at that moment that beans don’t actually grow in cans (I’m not that stupid, I just hadn’t really pondered beans before), and that I could choose to cook my own. This of course led to a flurry of well-what-else-can-I-make-on-my-own, which led me to all these things:

-          Beans – nuke ‘em in the microwave or stew them in the crockpot. Change the water twice so people will still want to be your friend after you’ve eaten the “musical fruit”. One $.79 bag of beans makes about 4 cans worth, so there’s enough left for the premium ice cream.
-          BBQ sauce
-          Oatmeal – those delicious little packets? More sugar & salt than oatmeal. Go for the good (and thrifty!) stuff! If your children rebel, serve them Brussels sprouts with tomato aspic the next morning, then see how oatmeal looks the day after. Tough love, bring it.
-          Tomato sauce (why did nobody tell me how EASY this was?!)
-          Salad dressing – it’s criminal what they charge for some oil, vinegar, and spices pre-mixed, and almost all of the popular brands have a healthy dose of high-fructose corn syrup and preservatives that totally negate the Righteous Nature of your salad. If you’re going to eat vegetables, I think you should come out ahead.
-          Bread – we’ve discussed
-          Taco seasoning
-          Granola/granola bars
This is what I’m working with so far – what do you make at home? Now, one place I am NOT going is the dehydrating route. I am not morally against it or anything (haven’t joined People for the Ethical Treatment of Apricots), but raisins - even the organic kind - are way cheaper than grapes, etc.  Time to find someone (me) a tissue. Next, I’m going to confront my makeup addiction. This could get ugly.