Day Ten: You've Got (too much) Mail

Oh email email email, WHAT did we do before email? In so many ways, life is easier and so much more fun with our electronic correspondence; I mean, who among us wants to give up the happy hours we fritter away surfing fail blogs or "researching"? Not I! But, a funny thing happens to all that free time you once had before you became a mom: it seems to evaporate in a cloud of diapers and squished peas. I can now only google you  myself once a week or so, and I still find that I'm spending WAY too much time plugged in. So, in the name of reclaiming the minutes (...OK, hours) that I should be spending darning socks or churning butter or whatever it is I should be doing with my days, I am (gasp!) limiting my internet time to three 15 minute segments per day. AFTER I google how to darn socks and churn butter....

No no, don't try to dissuade me! I am steadfast! You cannot lure me with chain letter forwards, viral videos, or snarky facebook updates - I will not be shaken! I am resolute. Yes. Resolute. Hmmmm... well, maybe a few more minutes wouldn't hurt.... I do need to comparison shop for butter churns, after all.

Day 9 - Shoe Fly

Today, I resisted buying shoes. In fact, just now I resisted buying shoes. This was a herculean effort, because they were SO CUTE and everyone needs navy & teal suede pumps with metal stud work - I just know I'd wear them every day. AND I had a coupon AND they were on SALE! See how this goes? Sigh.

I am a New Yorker, and, as such, I walk more in one day than many people walk in a week. I'm not exaggerating, and I've got the bunions to prove it. I have a 15 minute walk to the train, plus another 10-20 minutes when I get off depending on where I'm going; add it up both ways and it's at least one hour per day. I tried those wobbly sneakers that promise you a lifted derriere if you hobble around on them for a few weeks, but my hamstrings protested and my gluteus maximus staged a coup after day one. I've limped through the streets in killer heels, I've slip-slapped the miles in my flip-flops, I've tromped the sidewalks in boots for all seasons. My. feet. have. had it. It's time for (deep breath)... sensible shoes.

Today's mission? Putting all the gorgeous shoes I never wear because they cripple me into Purge-atory.  What's that you ask? Only the best EVER method for parting with things you aren't sure you can live without!

1 - gather beloved items, give them one final goodbye kiss
2 - open a box and lovingly place them inside (please try to stifle your weeping - you must be strong!)
3 - write a date anywhere from 6 weeks to 6 months from now on the box
4 - on the date listed on your box, you take it to Goodwill or wherever your favorite purging place is

DONE! Chances are, you will have forgotten all about what's in that box, and it makes the parting sooooo much easier. In the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you that yes - every once in a blue moon, I go rescue something from Purge-atory, but it ain't often. So, farewell red faux snakeskin platform sandals! Au revoir beaded heels that almost sever my toe! I will think of you ... well, probably never again. Adieu!

Day 8 - Weekly Wrap Up!

This week in Simplicityville? We:

- found oodles of uses for conditioner
- chucked extraneous reference books & gave away all the books I was TOTALLY going to read just as soon as I became independently wealthy and had staff at my disposal (which will be any day now, I'm sure)
- pared down the To Do List of Doom
- canceled several services we no longer use (adios land line!)
- got rid of complicated diet plans by pledging to gorge on real meals instead of grazing all day
- scaled down to the barest of essentials in the shower

Love it!

Before

After

I know, right?

Days 6 & 7 - Won't You Please Join Me in the Shower?

Day 6 - No Poo

OK people, I don't have all day - chop chop. Shoes off, watch your step; you with the blue hat - move a little to your left so Elaine can get in. OK! Whew, here we all are in my shower. Hmph. Awkward. Anyway, today's mission? To see how many (or how few) products one really needs in the shower. Now, I'm a lotions and potions girl. I have 10+ shower gels which I rotate according to the season, scrubs, masks, shampoo, conditioner, razor, bath poof, bath brush, and alligator. Just making sure you were paying attention.

I truly want to get as bare-bones as possible, then I can add things back in if I miss them too much. So, I decided to see what the difference is between the various soaps I use for hair, body, face, toilet, etc. Turns out? Brace yourself: SOAP IS SOAP. The stuff that cleans your hair will also work perfectly well on your body, and in your toilet! Let me explain.

The main ingredient in most cleaners, regardless of which body part they're meant to clean, is sodium lauryl sulfate (more on this in a moment). It's a pretty heavy duty cleaner that will strip dirt & oil off whatever it comes in contact with; this plus assorted alchohols, stabilizers, fragrance, and a few foofy ingredients here and there are all that's in that bottle. So theoretically, you can chuck everything but the shampoo! Yes, even for the toilet. According to FlyLady (www.flylady.net), the same soap that cleans your bod will swish the crud out of your toilet if you do a quick swipe every day.

Now, about that sodium lauryl sulfate & other things I can't pronounce. I hate to get all crunchy on you, but it seems that there are a bus load of questions regarding the safety of SLS, and we're just learning about the endocrine disrupting parabens and pthalates. And do we really NEED fluorescent green shampoo? What's a suds lovin' gal to do? Dr Bronners Liquid Castile Soap to the rescue! I had a little travel bottle that I was using for the young 'un's bath, so I gave it a try - LOVE. I won't bore you with the details, but let's just say that my hair could stop traffic, people. That's right, mama looks gooooooooooooood. AND it didn't strip the skin on my face or body - I almost feel like I could skip moisturizer. Plus, if you use the peppermint fragrance, I'm told you get a friendly little tingly feeling when you lather up. Bonus!

Day 7 - Face Paste

I'll keep it short & sweet since you've got stuff to do and my child is sticking a piece of toast in the VCR:

- scrubs - baking soda is the best facial scrub ever. Add to water or your cleanser & BOOM - new face.
- mix sugar or salt & any kind of oil for a body scrub, so no need to keep a tub of it mildewing in a corner
- honey makes a fantastic (and tasty!) face mask

So, in my shower now? Dr Bronners, conditioner, hair brush, razor. Done. I rock.

Day 5 - Food, Glorious Food

My aunt, who shall remain nameless (and who can leave the cash in hundreds at our prearranged drop-off point) once shoved a dried bean up her nose to see what would happen. As an adult. Very predictably, it swelled  up and she had to go to the emergency room to have it removed. I'd like to point out that she is a perfectly intelligent, normal, functional human being who happened to make a very poor choice about where she placed a bean. In other words, a very poor food choice.

Haven't we all bean there (sorry, I couldn't resist)? Haven't we all stuck the proverbial bean up our noses by choosing the third slice of pie over the broccoli, or the entire cake over the brussels sprouts? Actually, I don't care if I've just come out of quadruple bypass surgery, I'll always choose cake over sprouts; but, in general, food is something I need to work on. You too? Pull up a chair, sit down. Have a cookie. D'oh!

My first instinct when it comes to food is to set up a PLAN. For example, I will only eat Jell-O and raisins until 11:00 AM, then switch to rice cakes until 3:30 PM, unless the moon is waning, in which case... You get the picture. Now, food is too big an issue to tackle all at once, but I have noticed one thing that's really not doing me any favors since I became a mom: constant grazing. I eat from the time I get up until the time I go to bed; not huge quantities all at once, but it adds up to enough so that the weight is starting to creep back on - unacceptable. AND it's carbs carbs carbs. OY.

So, how to untangle the knot of 20+ years of disfunctional food drama drama? I think this is going to require some trial and error. For those of you (skinny bitches) who are about to suggest that I just eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full, you betta run. For the rest of you who have an inkling of what this is about, I propose one loose guideline to start with:

Eat real meals and real snacks instead of mindless eating or grazing all day.

Three of each for me since I'm still a BFing mom. That's it for now, even though I really want to try to do more (like the master cleanse...not). Watch out, white unitard, I'm gonna rock you in a couple of months.

Day 4 - Money Money Money

Wednesday is Financial Day. What, you didn't know? Nice of you to dress up anyway. Actually, it's something I started many moons ago after reading an organizational book that suggested each day of the week be assigned a corresponding "zone" of your life (more on this later). It's a system that's worked out remarkably well over the years, and knowing that I have a set day of the week to pay bills or dust or shower update files keeps me from getting overloaded.

Anyhoo, on Wednesdays I deal with all things moolah related, like itemizing receipts, bank accounts, preparing deposits, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... Oh sorry, I dozed off there for a moment. I have to admit - I hate Wednesdays for this very reason. I don't LIKE all the numbers and the bits of paper and the stupid stupid math, and inevitably I wind up on the couch tucking into some Ben & Jerry's and watching Hulu. Not good. So, something's gotta give. It has to be EASIER somehow.

Today's mission? To get my automation on. My finances have 3 sectors: Personal (ME ME ME!!!!), Business (Circus ME ME ME!!!), and Joint (ME!!!! + hubby). Each sector has a dedicated credit card to make keeping the accounting a little easier. Today, I'm going to A) make sure recurring expenses are on the correct card, and B) see how many things I can make automatic. Now this won't work if you carry a balance on your cards, but since we don't, we just earn nicey rewards while paying our bills. Like! Now, I realize this doesn't sound terribly simple, but baby steps people! This will be a great time to review services I'm paying for every month, decide if we really need them (in fact, canceled our phone land line today - saved $180 per year), and toss the ones we can do without.

Speaking of monthly charge-y services, which ones have you cancelled and how have you fared without it? Share share share!

Day Three - Do This

After two days of torrential rain and cruddy weather, the sun is shining...ish... and we saw Carl the Carp in the lake this morning! Carl is the stuff of legends, and rightly so. If you sprinkle corn (??) into the lake, spit on your shoe, and spin around three times, he just might appear (...okay, only the corn part is true - I wanted to see you spit and twirl). Well, we saw him and he is HUGE! Like Loch Ness Monster huge. Like you would walk on water if you were swimming and saw him coming huge. That big. Now, the hubby assures me that Carl has no interest in eating my toes, but I'm not convinced - he eats corn, which proves that he is a deviant fish and would clearly find my toes appealing.

Today, I'm tackling the proverbial To Do List and our love/hate tango. On the one hand, I love lists almost as much as I love libraries. Almost. But at the end of the day, I never actually finish what I set out to do in a fit of coffee-fueled ambition; I am left feeling burdened and weirdly guilty that I didn't get to, oh I don't know, make my entire household completely eco-friendly. What to do? Bring in the experts!

I am FLOORED by how many zany list sites come up when you google "to do list"; there's even a blog about them! http://todolistblog.blogspot.com/ Go figure. However, I'm not looking to write more lists, but to make the one I do have more efficient. So, after reading several (rather dry) articles about how to write an effective to do list, I've cobbled together a few helpful rules that might actually help mamas, for whom the challenge of actually getting through a to do list is monumental.

1. Put only three things on your to do list each day. This way, you actually have a shot at finishing it (completion = feeling of accomplishment = RARE). Anything you do beyond those three things is gravy. Check.

2. Prioritize. Don't color code it, don't categorize it, don't powder and diaper it, just weigh the consequences of not getting it done today. Check.

I am someone who has even kept lists of lists, so only having two rules and three items is a toughie. My  natural inclination is to try to make some sort of intricate system (that I will never follow) and rarely have fewer than ten things on my agenda, so this is weird. I am however looking forward to actually FINISHING something! Stay tuned to see if I actually do....

Library Loooooooooooooooooooove

I love the library. Seriously love love love the library. Every time I go in, my soul positively SINGS with all the possibilities of those thousands of FREE books, and I leave with a huge stack. I am a self-proclaimed book junkie, and find the pull of those colorful shelves really too much to resist. Did you know that many libraries will allow you to register online, request books, and they will DELIVER them to the branch closest to you when they're available? All for free?! If you are not positively weeing your pants over the awesomeness of this, I humbly suggest you read that sentence again.

So, I'm pretty comfortable with the number of books I'm NOT buying. But what about the hundreds of books lining my shelves as we speak? The much beloved, the yet-to-read, the just-in-case-I-ever-need-to-know-how-to-unclog-a-toilet-with-tin-foil-and-dental-floss books? Like the simplification of my beautification, this will take some time, and I predict I will need to revisit the issue several times.

Right now? I'm going for the easy purges first:
- reference books I haven't "referenced" in the past 2 years
- books chock full of info I could easily find online
- books that, when I'm really, truly, deeply honest with myself, I don't really want to read (bye bye "War and Peace"!)

OK, that should be a good chunk. Our library is having a book donation drive, so I'll just take the books there and I can visit them whenever I want! The tough thing about purging books though? You have to let go of the person you thought you would be when you finished reading them. THIS is why simplifying can be so scary - the only potential you will ultimately be left with is what you have to work with TODAY. Scary, but freeing.... but scary.

A Slippery Slope

So, the hubby and I are enjoying a little getaway (from work, not from the young 'un), and are holed up here in the Finger lake region of NY for the week. We're staying in my in-law's cabin, and I have to keep thwarting the compulsive urge to go through the cabinets, shelves, and drawers to organize everything. Such is my OCD. Anyhoo....
Today's exercise in simplicity began where all good days begin: in the shower. Being as we're a-travelin', I have teensy bottles, jars, and pots of all my lotions and potions because HEAVEN FORBID I should skip my three step skin care regimen for even one night. It was Leg Shaving Day and, of course, I had no shaving cream. I read in some women's oracle that one might substitute conditioner for shaving gel, so now seemed like the perfect time to try it. Hand me a band-aid hon? Great results! Which got me thinking: what other fabulous uses for conditioner are floating around out there? Turns out, it's a Lube of All Trades.
- shaving gel (we've established this already)
- makeup remover
- leather polish
- door hinge un-squeaker
- stainless steel shiner
- fabric softener
- use it to wash your delicates (I am NOT making this up)
- dissolves band-aid glue to get them off easier
- rub on tools to prevent rust
- slather it on toast for a delicious breakfast treat (OK, I am making THIS up)

... and many more!
So, assuming this is true, I can get rid of my shaving gel, fabric softener, delicate wash detergent, and makeup remover. Obviously this won't work for you if you use an expensive conditioner, but I'm a cheapie gal at the moment, so woooooooo-hoooooooooo! Tomorrow? Books!

I dreamed a dream...

... a dream of running away to Lancaster County and finally living among my true people - the Amish. Now kindly lower that eyebrow and just THINK of it! Instead of waking to the sound of a weed whacker in the courtyard below, I would rise to the gentle sounds of of cows mooing in the early dawn; and instead of a pile of my husband's dirty shirts, I would be greeted with... OK, a pile of my husband's dirty shirts - but there wouldn't be so many of them! I would have just what I needed and no more. What would that be like?

Now I don't have a cluttered home by any stretch of the imagination. What I DO have is an 11 month old and husband in a New York City apartment (well, Queens, but let's not split hairs). Short of renouncing it all and going to live in a pod (yes, I've thought about it and it sounds WONDERFUL), how close can I get to a truly simple life? And can I maintain it?

Of course, the irony is that I've just potentially complicated my life by adding this blog. And to be fair, this may be the only post I ever write (oh shut up - like you finish everything you start in a fit of wildly optimistic ambition). But I'll give it a whirl, and learn a bunch I'm sure in the process. Off we go!