Day 105 - A Tub of Spackle and a Pink Gloss

The day has arrived. I am now going to do what I have been putting off for over a year. I have procrastinated, avoided, delayed, dawdled, deferred, postponed, and prolonged. I have changed topics, and even denied that there was a problem. But today, Dear Reader, I face my Greatest Challenge Yet. I will pare down my makeup.

But first, my coffee.

Thank you for waiting. Would you like a cookie? How about some peanut butter toast? Can I get you... wait, I'm doing it again. OK - I am resolved. Here is a picture of my makeup box right now.

Oh my....

Close your mouth, you'll catch a fly. What can I tell you? I LOVE makeup! I have since I was little. For me, it's not so much about "correcting nature" as it is about expression and creativity. Don't get me wrong, that concealer is absolutely about correction, but the gold glitter eyeshadow is part of my little Steampunk phase, and the pink gloss is for when I'm playing "The Real Housewives of Orange County", and the black eyeliner is for when I wear my salwar kameez from India and want to get all exotic and oh for the love of all that's holy somebody stop me! Yes - I'm conflicted. My Amish self wants to be free of it, but my Creative Artsy For-Heavens-Sake-I'm-A-Circus-Performer side gets really sad when I think about giving up makeup. My compromise? At some point, not today, I will go one week without any makeup. But not today, Friends, not today....

Much better! The bottom is filled with unopened duplicates, I swear.

Day 101 - Practicing Safe Sun

WARNING: Please do not view this author without proper eye protection: her blinding whiteness may result in permanent eye injury. You have been warned.

Oh Dear Reader, the luminous-fish-belly-pale expanse of my skin is a sight to behold. Or not. And how do I maintain that near-blinding degree of pasty whiteness? Why, with my trusty sun cream, of course!

Once upon a time, porcelain white skin was a sign of nobility - if you aren't toiling in the sun with the common folk, you must be rolling in cash. In fact, women used to spackle their faces with lead-based cosmetics and arsenic powder to accentuate their ghostly pallor (what's a little poison slathered on your face? please - don't be a wuss!). We can blame Coco Chanel for the beginnings of the tanning trend, and it was all downhill from there. I remember greasing myself up with baby oil in the 80's and laying out in the sun until I sizzled to a golden red brown; for the record, I also had Sun-In sprayed in my hair, which resulted in fetching orange streaks. Such were the 80's.

Now, the only person subjected to my luminosity is my dear hubby, and he ain't complainin'. I'd rather paste on the sunscreen and keep the wrinkles at bay than have to have my face cranked up in 15 years. And, for Sebastian, I don't want to get the call one day that he has malignant melanomas all over his body because mama didn't protect his skin (guilty guilty guilty.....). But what kind to choose? Chemical sunscreens are easy to put on, but, predictably, I have my fair share of questions about the safety of said chemicals. The natural stuff is indeed natural, but man - that zinc oxide is le poo to put on and you practically glow in the dark. The other option is to wear a sassy burka.

After researching the pros and cons of making your own sunscreen (ad nauseum, I might ad), I came away with this: let the pros do it or you'll end up looking like Frosty the Zinc-Oxide plastered snowman. Find a brand you like (California Baby has a nice one, and Yes to Carrots is very spreadable, and 97+% natural - that's not bad at all). I road tested Burts Bees, but I have to say that it wasn't my favorite (though I LOVE their other products). Long sleeves when you can, sunscreen when you can't. Add in shade whenever possible (duh), and a big floppy sunhat to make you look all glamorous (you're going to need it to cover the white zinc line around your forehead). Put on huge sunglasses and pretend you're famous. A French accent helps.